Moby's Dick

 

Act 1, scene 1;  A nuclear submarine somewhere in the North Atlantic. A civilian military official, from an undisclosed location, has just boarded the vessel intent on creating an international nuclear incident. Only Moby's dick can avert disaster by coming to the rescue.

 

Cap Them Ahab: Prepare to dive.

Politician: How far down can she go captain?

Cap Them Ahab: To the bottom of the sea.

Moby's dick: To the bottom. I'm feeling a little sea sick.

Politician: Steady on.

Tony Blush: I say, are we going down?

C man: Captain this ship is filled with semen.

Star Fuck: What did he say?

C man: This ship is filled with semen.

Quim Que: Say What?

Politician: Full speed ahead.

Cap Them Ahab: All hands below deck.

Politician: Steady on.

Moby's dick: I, I know you don't like me.

Head Man In Charge: I think she'll blow.

Cap Them Ahab: Prepare to dive.

Moby's sperm: I think we are going to die.

Act 1, scene 2; The Politician goes down in the submarine. He has secret plans in his briefcase! He shows secret orders to the Head Man In Charge.

 

C man: I thought I heard singing.

Seaman: The pressure is rising.

Cap Them Ahab: Brace for impact.

Cap Ten Curk: Close all hatches

Politician: Steady on.

Seaman: I don't think we can take the pressure.

Cap Them Ahab: We're going down.

Moby's dick: Is she going to go down?

Jock Crusto: She's giving me the bends.

Jewels Burn: She's giving me the bends.

Moby's sperm: We are all going to die.

Moby's dick: I can't breathe.

Seaman: The pressure is too high.

Moby's dick: The pressure's rising.

Politician: Steady on.

Head Man In Charge: I think she'll blow.

Moby's dick: I can't breathe. I can't breathe down here.

Cap Them Ahab: Prepare to surface.

Moby's dick: To the bottom.

C man: We're under attack!

Quim Que: Say What?

Moby's dick: Are we going to sink?

Politician: Fire all torpedoes.

 

Act 2, scene 1; The Horrible Politician attempts to start a Nuclear war. He doesn’t know he is firing on the Great White Whale. All hell breaks loose, until Moby's dick comes to the rescue. In anger at the attack Moby's dick blows back into the Politician’s personal space, and the Politician has a

heart attack.

 

Politician: Hell Yeah!

Cap Them Ahab:  That's Great!

Politician: That's Great!

Moby’s dick: Hell Yeah!

 

Act 3, scene 1; The War is slapped down by the Great Sperm Whale. The World is saved for the time being. The Leviathan swims for open water.

 

Head Man In Charge: I think she'll blow.

Cap Them Ahab: Brace for impact.

Moby's dick: I thought I heard Music.